This is what I know about the pumps. The GTiR and VE pump are very similar, but the VE pump has some improvements to the design to increase flow. The GTiR and VE both have the same spacer, and the pickup tubes are interchangeable as well. The GTiR crank pulley will work on any SR20, regardless of pump. It is designed to clear the bump in the GTiR pump and is therefore the best one to use as far as versatility.
The DE/det spacer/drive is smaller than the VE/GTiR one. You should not try and use this smaller drive because you can cause damage to the pump. If you want to make sure everything works then go with the larger spacer, regardless of what pulley you use. Keep in mind if you use the larger spacer on the DE/DET pulley it will cause the belt to be slightly mis-aligned. This alignment issue on most setups causes no problems, but on mine it caused the belt to fly off when I hit the rev limiter. Not good because that belt powers the water pump!
You can easily flush the engine while it is in the car. I would get a good rad flush and run it through with some water before you fill the coolant in order to get all the oil out of the coolant system.
I prefer to use permatex Ultra grey RTV. It looks good when it is put on, is good for 650*F, and is very very strong stuff. You could upgrade to the higher temp stuff, but like Miko said once, it will make your engine look not-so-good. You could even use the Copper RTV for a little more money, and it is good to rediculous temps. Just make sure you go easy on the RTV as too much will cause leaks, and always make sure it is fully cured before adding your fluids.
Good luck with the build!